A Mothers Truth

You spend 18 years raising your children to be the best they can be. Molding their beliefs, values  and self-worth. Giving them the tools to be successful in life.  Throughout those 18 years you go through many stages terrible twos, puberty and teen age.  All have their ups and downs, but you push through because as a parent that is your job.  You are there to parent them not be there best friend. In those 18 years you will hear it all, one minute they will love you and then next they hate you.  But at the end of the day you are the mother and one day they will thank you for pushing them to be a better person.  That is what you keep telling yourself, but I am still waiting for that day to come.  My truth is you spend 18 years raising that child and they turn 18 only to think they can suddenly take on the world by themselves.

In April 2016 you broke my heart when you ran across the country to be with someone you barely knew. There was still so much unfinished business you left behind, but you did what you felt you had to do.  You were strong willed, independent and responsible. You had big dreams and the will to make it all happen.  I say all this in past tense because I don’t recognize that child anymore.  When the going got tough you knew you had to come home and I admired that choice.  I was there to help you and get you back on your feet. In August you got a job, enrolled in college and began playing volleyball. I started to see my daughter again. At this point it had been 5 months since you turned 18 and you were someone I barely recognized.  So many relationships have been shattered by the decisions you made. September we gave you your car back thinking you were back on track, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.  There was this sense of entitlement and lack of respect.  I had no idea you could be so hurtful to someone who has done nothing but help you. October rolled around and I started to lose you again.  You quite school, volleyball and became distant again.  What you don’t seem to understand is you have always had a choice, live by my rules under my roof or go be free.  I would never kick you out of your home, you always chose to run.  October 28th I lost you again.  With no money, no phone, no job, no place to live you chose to drive cross country to make a new life.  You told people I kicked you out, why did you have to paint me the bad guy?  Did that make you feel better about the decisions you were making because deep down you knew they were wrong.

November, I sent you an “olive branch” and you swallowed your pride and reached out. Things were fine, I still didn’t support your choices or like what you were doing, but I was just grateful we were talking.  But if there is one thing I have learned in the past 7 months is this doesn’t last. I am your mother I will always love you and I will always be there for you, but I wouldn’t be a good mother if I enabled you.  This is what I think you don’t understand.  1 out of 2 conversations with you end with you telling me “I never help you and to stay out of your life”.  I have learned that if I don’t tell you what you want to hear you get angry and end the conversation.  We have played this game for so long I am honestly exhausted emotionally. You can’t tell me to stay out of your life and then publically say I don’t care about how you’re doing.  You can’t publically say you miss people when you do nothing to maintain that relationship.  I am sorry I cannot support you leaving everything and everyone you know to be in the country’s most dangerous city with someone I do not know who you say has beat you. The daughter I raised would not make these irresponsible and unhealthy decisions.  I have tried to help you, tried to talk some sense into you, but you are blinded by what you think is love.  You have told so many lies I don’t think you even know the truth anymore. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of you, I miss you every day.  I will always love you and always be there for you. I will never stop worrying about your wellbeing and want the best for you.

I just don’t recognize my little girl anymore. I can only hope that one day she will own her faults and know it’s not too late to make things right.  Until then I have to keep her at an arm’s length.  When she is ready to make her life better and truly make a change I will be there with open arms.

This is my raw truth.

Orangetheory Fitness

Earlier this year I was told I am pre-diabetic and have high cholesterol. My Dr said if I didn’t want to have a stroke or heart attack by 50 I had to make some serious changes in my life.  I instantly started eating better and doing 30min of cardio on a daily basis.  Its been 11 months and my weight has fluctuated up and down 15lbs. As the year went on I became less motivated and not as strict with my eating habits. I was suppose to go back to my dr to retest my labs at the six month mark, but I was too afraid I hadn’t done enough to change my numbers and I didn’t want to see that reality in the numbers. Over Thanksgiving I decided I had enough. I turned 40 and realized this is only going to get harder. I want to be active, I want to feel good about myself, I need a change. For the past month I had been doing some research on gyms, personal trainers, cross fit etc. Now I work out daily so that isn’t an issue for me, I need someone to give me that extra push, someone to keep me honest. A normal gym wasn’t going to do that for me.  I also didn’t want the one on one attention of a personal trainer. Cross fit seemed a bit too intense for me, I don’t want to feel like I have to puke in a trash can.  Then I came across Orangetheory Fitness.  This was a science base circuit training. Each class is 60minutes and have 28 participants.  You come in and get set up with a heart monitor. Otbeat Heart Rate Wristband. The heart-rate monitor, high-intensity workout is scientifically designed to keep heart rates in a target zone that spikes metabolism and increases energy. They call it the after burn


You start out on the treadmill or rowing machines.


The trainer leads the class and tells you when to go at  your base, push or all out.  You constantly see your heart rate through out the class.  The key is to get to the Orange zone

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After 20 minutes you switch to the rowers and continue on.  The third circuit which was hardest for me was the weight training

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After 55 minutes you do some brief stretches to cool down. Once the class is completed you can see the results on your app


I love that I can schedule classes through the app on my phone.  They have three level of memberships, Basic, Premier and Elite.  One thing they do not tell you is you have to pay additional for the heart rate monitor.  This is a one time fee.

So my first class was Friday. I was very nervous to be the new fat kid in class. I was instantly welcomed by everyone and a trainer who was there for the class instantly took me under her wing. Half way though I didn’t think I was going to make it but I pushed on.  Looking at my results not bad for the first time.


Yesterday my legs hurt something fierce. Today I am still pretty sore.  I  plan to attend classes Tuesday and Friday.  I will keep you posted on my progress.

Hope you all have a great day. I ♥ you! oxox

This is 40

Today I celebrate 40 years of life, 40 years of experiences that have all led me to where I am today. Within the last month I have started to experience things I am too old for, Lasik and Bralettes (according to the husband). I assume this list will only continue to grow. If you think of it in terms of life span, my life is half over! What am I doing with my life? I am healthy, have a good job, have kids and a husband. What’s left? Oh yeah, I get to look forward to menopause.

Today starts the second half of my life. What I do in the next 40 years is most likely what I will be remembered for. Guess I better make it pretty awesome! All of my friends have already dealt with the feelings of turning 40, I am the youngest of the group.  What have you done different in the next 40?

Hope you all have a great day. I ♥ you! oxox

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This is my favorite time of year and its even better that the weather has turned cold and wet. Last week the whole family was over for dinner and we carved pumpkins. I love being surrounded by my family.

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This weekend we also went to a co-workers haunted house. For a free haunted house its pretty bad ass. The Midway of Madness

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Lastly on Sunday in the rain, thunder and lightening, we did the Foam Glow 5k.  By the time the race started the rain had thankfully stopped! We always enjoy these fun runs.  We try and do a few a year.

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Hope you all have a great day. I ♥ you! oxox





I want to help someone. I want to reach that girl who wakes up one day and feels like its not worth it anymore.

Its all about the girl who is having a horrible day and she sees your words and for five minutes there’s hope. Like someone cares. Its like for five minutes the world is not such a crazy place anymore.

She is a daughter, maybe a sister. Somebodies friend.  I don’t know her and maybe I never will. Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren’t you anymore.  If you were suddenly gone.  How would the world react. Whatever you imagined is wrong. There’s nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the ocean, deep, dark and bigger than all of us and pain is like a thief in the night. Quite persistent and unfair. Diminished by time, fate and love.  I didn’t know her, but I am jealous of her. Because I see how her absence has affected the people who did know her. I know that she mattered and I know that she was loved.

I ♥ you! oxox

Endless Summer

It’s hard to believe its already September. There is a chill in the air, kids are back to school, my where did summer go.  I am happy with the amount of things we did this summer with the exception of we didn’t go to the beach as much as I would have liked.  Luckily the weather is still warm and we might be able to pull off a day or two.

The prince has been wanting to go to the Discovery Science Center for some time now. We always pass it on the freeway and he see’s what events are going on and asks to go.

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During our trip to Arizona we visited the  Kartchner Caverns unfortunately you can not take pictures inside, but it was truly an amazing experience.  Its not for the faint of heart as you venture deep into an actual cave.  The prince was mesmerized by all the stalactites and stalagmites. It was a truly a great experience and I highly recommend it.


After the caverns we ventured a little further into Tombstone AZ.  For me it was awesome to be in a place of such history, but for the prince it was an old western town. We walked the streets once filled with cowboys and horses, now vacant and desolate.

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The next day we headed back towards Scottsdale and stopped at the  Air and Space Museum. This is someplace I have always wanted to visit because it has the notorious boneyard of old retired planes.  Unfortunately after three hours and 109 temps we didn’t get to see everything.

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Back in Phoenix we enjoyed some much needed time with family. I love hanging out with my aunt and uncle. We spent our nights in the pool and enjoyed every minute of it.

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Back to reality! I enjoyed making so many memories this summer!

Hope you all have a great day. I ♥ you! oxox



Friday the Prince and I went to the Mud Park. The place was smaller than I anticipated and it wasn’t what I think of when I think mud park.  You pretty much play in small bodies of water.  The boy said his favorite part was building the forts.

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I picked up the Princess from the airport. She has officially moved back home and I love it! I understand she had to spread her wings, but I am so happy she is back in the nest.  Saturday we went to the fair and had a great time. The Prince is super excited to have his sister home again.  They have a bond I will never understand.

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Sunday the Princess applied for several jobs and happily got accepted at hopdoddy. We also got her all registered for college.  Home for two days and she is back on track. I am so proud of her. Yesterday the Prince had his last soccer game for the summer. Boy am I happy that’s over.


Its as if all is right with the world, my world at least.

Hope you all have a great day. I ♥ you! oxox

Summer Vacation

We just got back from another great trip to the Bahamas! We had previously gone in 2013 and loved every minute of it, so we decided to go back.  It was awesome to spend a full 6 days.  We saw more of the main land this trip and it was wonderful.  It saddens me the amount of poverty in that country because the residents are so nice and genuine.  You just don’t see angry, stressed out people.  We also took more advantage of the pools and water slides.  The prince went on every slide  we would let him which really surprised me.  After the tube through sharks I had my fill and was done.  My happy place is laying by the pool or beach soaking up the rays.  The kids experienced the sea lions this trip and loved every minute of it.  I couldn’t get enough pictures of everything we did, the beauty of the island or the smiles on every ones face.  I am so thankful my kids will have these memories.  I live for the summer!

Check out all the pictures here Bahamas

Hope you all have a great day. I ♥ you! oxox

Moving Forward

Easter has come and gone and I have slowly merged myself back into social media.  I have consciously decided to not put the apps back on my phone, but to access them on my computer when I feel its necessary.  I still have chosen to not post anything, but merely use it as a way to stay in touch with friends and family I don’t see or talk to on a daily basis. The first week was rough, I constantly found myself looking to my phone when I was bored, but that eventually passed.  I can’t say I found other things to do with my time I was just more aware and devoted my attention to the things that needed it. Its now May and there have been some very significant things that have changed in my life recently and I am looking forward to moving forward and putting things behind me.

Hope you all have a great day. I ♥ you! oxox

Social Media

This time of year most Catholics observe Lent beginning with Ash Wednesday. I do not participate in the traditional sense of the holiday, but I do like to give up something for the 40 days ending on Easter Sunday.  This year I chose to give up social media.  I think this is a very important thing and a big step.  Over the last several years society has been consumed with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat. I fell victim to all of it.  You look around in every setting and you see people glued to there phones.  We as a family have a rule that there are no phones at the dinner table, but I am sure not many families do this.  I have started to notice its a distraction. Instead of actively being in the moment I am distracted by my phone.  I get bored, I go to my phone. I am on day three and I can honestly say I find myself going to my phone to scroll through social media. Thank goodness I deleted the apps! Habits are hard to break. I have to admit I will miss keeping up with the day to day updates of friends and family from out of state, that is why I succumbed to Facebook to begin with.  I get most of my news from Twitter, I think this is the one I will absolutely bring back after the 40 days.  Now Instagram, I am a photo junky, I love taking photos and Instagram allows me to share them. Maybe that is the lesson in all of this, does everything really need to be shared in the internet? My husband would absolutely agree with that, he is probably happy to hear of me giving up social media. As for Snapchat, I only recently discovered this and that was merely to keep tabs on the teenager. I don’t think kids really understand the affect social media has on there lives and the dangers it presents.  So hears to 40 days social media free!!

Hope you all have a great day. I ♥ you! oxox